At first I really didn't like the idea of rape by deception. It seems like a dangerous slippery slope. I decided that a solid legal standard would be if the perpetrator tells a lie that s/he knows or should know will be a critical factor in the granting of consent. That's a fairly high standard, but we're talking about criminal law, if anything it felt potentially too low. We laugh at characters like Barney on How I Met Your Mother, when he lies his way into a girl's bedroom. Do we want to send him to jail?
Upon further consideration I've realized this is an odd social programming. There is a crime called 'larceny by trick.' If I lie to you in order to convince you to give me your stuff, I've committed a crime. If I lie to you to get you to consent to sexual activity, no crime. Shouldn't our sexually repressed culture be more concerned about chastity than things? I think I'll have to reconsider what is a fairly patriarchal view that boys lying and tricking their way to sex is just boys being boys.
It's only similar to "larceny by trick" if you consider sex as being something that a girl gives to a guy - and this is an old outdated patriarchical view.
ReplyDeleteSex should be seen as an activity that people can mutually enjoy doing together.
If I'm attracted to a girl, and she asks me what I did yesterday, I might lie and tell her I had a business meeting, when really I just played video games all day. She'll probably find me more attractive that way.
Attraction is not a choice. It doesn't come from logic and reason, it comes from emotion and instinct. Attraction is not a contract.
My lie might make her feel more passion for me, leading to sex that we both enjoy.
In other words, my lie was less like fraud or rape, and more like a fictional story told by a circus clown, to make the show more fun for audience members who believe it.
Note: of course, there are cases where sexual deception is genuinely wrong. For example, if someone has AIDS and knows about it, and has sex with someone without mentioning it, that's a crime punishable by jail time. But only because AIDS is harmful.